I am so blessed

I’ve just returned from a gathering of friends and admirer’s…no…not of myself.

The gathering was for a man who has done more than anyone I know to promote independent musical artists locally in Grand Rapids. I don’t say he’s alone there are others, I know. But this man through three decades and through sheer zeal has I will submit done more to support and encourage as many as had the courage to pick up a guitar, stand over a keyboard, lay stick on drum, or create with any other instrument you might care to name, than anyone else I know.   If you’re willing to take your talent to an open mic night at a local pub or perform at any of Grand Rapids smaller venues, you have encountered this man.   Not only a tireless supporter of the musical arts he is a great songwriter and performer himself.  Today, we had a chance to show (in a small way) how much this person means to us.

We gathered to raise funds for this man’s medical treatments. Many of us got together to hear good music, dine, and drink, all for the cause. A couple of this person’s friends, familiar names to those up on the contemporary folk music scene came in to honor him, Peter Mulvey and Amy Speace. I came for the afternoon gathering, an evening one is to follow, tonight.

What a blessing it is to know such an incredibly selfless and generous man. Thank-you, Ralston Bowles for being a blessing to me, and to countless others.

May the Lord bless you using the same boundless measure you have used in blessing others. May his healing hand restore you.   May he give you peace.

Dorwin

Dream made real

I had the experience of a lifetime, last night. A longed for experience. An experience not like any other highpoint experience I’ve had, not simply because I’ve wanted it badly, and have now gotten it, but because I’ve desired it so long. A dream that had time enough to sink deep into my imagination; time enough to color with a hue all it’s own, the fabric of my life. Last night’s pleasure, enhanced by a concurrent thought I’d had alongside the dream, all these years, the thought that: “I may never know the fulfillment of my dream.” Imagine friend, to know the culmination of fantasy, while at the same moment watching hopelessness turn into it’s opposite, and then into joy! If last night’s experience were merely the realization of some intense yet momentary desire, one I’d only recently acquired, it would have been satisfying, but couldn’t possibly compare to drinking deeply of a dream fully ripened and finely aged. Last night’s inhaled draught was of just such a vintage. I don’t speak of anything profane or prurient, my experience was not physical, though it touched my senses. It was a caress of spirit, a lifting of heart, like nothing else I’ve known. Few things apart from worship itself, have ever ushered me into the presence of God. Last night’s experience had me dance with the Divine. I know a contentment I never knew possible.

I hesitate to name the experience as it would not be the same for you (most likely) were you to have it, and that being true, you would not understand how I could feel the way I do about what I’ve experienced; and worse you may disparage or even belittle my ecstasy as trivial, if not openly to me, then privately to yourself. So let me say only that I hope you realize some long held, tremblingly hoped for dream in your life, and when you do may it bring you joy, fulfilling joy!

Silent prayer

To touch a hand in it’s hour of need, to hold a sorrow filled face in your hands, to look lovingly into tear filled eyes, knowing no word will suffice, is to know the true meaning of compassion.

“I charge you to write…”

My friend, Mindi, has “suggested” (see title) that I write down some of my thoughts, on the Mystery of prayer. Here goes…

I won’t tackle the “why“, or “how“, of prayer.  The “what” is easy…pray for everything; all that prompts the heart to be concerned, the mind to contemplate need, and the soul to praise, for what it rejoices in. The “who“…to God; for others, and ourselves, while giving him thanks. The “where“…everywhere. It is, the “when,” of prayer, that I spoke of with friends today; specifically: “Why does God, take so long, to answer, our prayers?”

I wonder at God’s timetable.  I’ve asked the question: “Why did you put this matter/longing/person, on my heart, Lord, if you’re not going to do something about it…NOW?” It occurs to me, then, to look at biblical scripture.  There, I see that prayer isn’t just something to say TO God, like I might ask for a glass of water; or to fire off AT God, as I might send an e-mail to someone, figuring that they’ll hit the Reply button, with their answer, in a couple of hours, or perhaps a day, or two.
As it is portrayed in the Bible, prayer, seems to be a sustained dialogue, between ourselves and God; dialogue that seems one-sided, if defined by a, statement-(or question)-response, format.  God’s part, in the conversation being, often, a non-verbal, sense-of-presence.  A conversation that often takes time. Years, as in the case of the childless, Hanna.  Decades, as in the case of the childless, Sarai and Abram; and for the devout Simeon, who longed to see the Messiah, before his death.  Even generations, as was the case, with the enslaved Israelites, in Egypt. Prayer, seems to be a conversation, that is at the foundation, of faith, in God. His desire for us, awakening our need for him as, provider, healer, deliverer, friend, and lover. A conversation, that over time, becomes for us, wordless, a rumination of the heart, going on, in the background, of everyday life. God’s answer, when it comes, more a response to our wondering soul, or the cry of our heart, than a request, from our lips.

God’s timing, in answering us, can, I believe, only be understood, in retrospect, if at all.  We may not be clued into, why God is: “taking so long,” but we can understand, sometimes, why he: “took so long.” 

I have a friend, whose husband, was unemployed for several years; who eventually not only found a job, but one that is ideally suited to him, one in which, he feels fulfilled.  It would seem, that the time it took, for God, to answer my friend’s prayers, was spent, in God, preparing a place, for her husband, to work; allowing my friends, at the same time, to learn a deep dependence, on their Heavenly Father, strengthening their relationship, with him.

An example from my own life, on the power of sustained prayer, would be, in God’s answer to me, concerning my desire, for a wife.  God, after close to thirty years of prayer, on the matter, has answered: “No.”  In retrospect, I believe he tried to tell me this 10 years ago, again 5 years ago, and again 2 years ago, but I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, hear the denial, of what I wanted, so deeply.  It is only through a series of events, in this last year, that I finally heard, and accepted the answer.  Though, in saying no, God did offer me something else, special intimacy, with himself.  God has, offered himself, as my mate, if I would have him, and I have said, yes.  After decades, God did answer me, it wasn’t the answer, I wanted.  I wish I could say, that I’m ecstatically happy; that Jesus is now, all I’ll ever want, or need, in a mate, but I can’t, not yet.  I still want, what God has denied me.  What I am excited about, is how he will reveal himself to me, over time.  I am, giving myself over, to a sense of wonder; to a sense of awe, and expectation, for our relationship.  I see, that God spent the last 20 years, and more, fashioning within me, a special place, for himself.

God doesn’t always answer quickly, or as we would like, it is true.  He will answer, though; and when he does, it will be with a measure, of grace.

About Friendship

As I titled this post I’m reminded that I must consciously depress the “R” key when typing or it won’t “egister” [read: register]. Hence, the title almost became “About Fiendship.” Our intimates and ourselves, seeming more fiend than friend, at times. Oddly appropriate, for what I’m about to say.

I am fortunate in that I have unnumbered acquaintances, many friends, a large number of stalwarts, and a precious core of persons, with whom I resonate in such harmonious frequency, that I truly feel buoyed by their presence in my life. They in turn uplifted by me. I have been told by quite a few people over the years that I really seem to know what friendship is all about. I’m glad they think so. I see how much more I need to learn.

After a recent “fall from grace,” which has seen me removed from ministry in my church, I became estranged from several of those closest to me. Others, drew closer, still more were unfazed. Myriad emotions have coursed through me as my world has unraveled. Anger, shame, loss, abandonment, love, etc… I am amazed at the open armed grace of some, and shocked at the cold justice of others; such a range of response! Some who’ve entered into my struggle describe me as brave, others question the genuineness of my faith. Most seeing my need to heal have been a quiet, yet strong support in a difficult time. ALL of them love me. As I’ve moved through an awareness of being betrayer and betrayed, I’m learning a new dimension of friendship…how to ask for forgiveness from those I’ve wounded. How to ask for help from those who have wounded me, so that we might rebuild the brokenness between us, together. I’m finding that the road to reconciliation is not paved with flowers, it will be long and is painful…for all concerned; and as I approach each broken bridge, I stop and begin laying new planks over the span, catching a glimpse as I do, of the same being done from the other side.

DLG