“I charge you to write…”

My friend, Mindi, has “suggested” (see title) that I write down some of my thoughts, on the Mystery of prayer. Here goes…

I won’t tackle the “why“, or “how“, of prayer.  The “what” is easy…pray for everything; all that prompts the heart to be concerned, the mind to contemplate need, and the soul to praise, for what it rejoices in. The “who“…to God; for others, and ourselves, while giving him thanks. The “where“…everywhere. It is, the “when,” of prayer, that I spoke of with friends today; specifically: “Why does God, take so long, to answer, our prayers?”

I wonder at God’s timetable.  I’ve asked the question: “Why did you put this matter/longing/person, on my heart, Lord, if you’re not going to do something about it…NOW?” It occurs to me, then, to look at biblical scripture.  There, I see that prayer isn’t just something to say TO God, like I might ask for a glass of water; or to fire off AT God, as I might send an e-mail to someone, figuring that they’ll hit the Reply button, with their answer, in a couple of hours, or perhaps a day, or two.
As it is portrayed in the Bible, prayer, seems to be a sustained dialogue, between ourselves and God; dialogue that seems one-sided, if defined by a, statement-(or question)-response, format.  God’s part, in the conversation being, often, a non-verbal, sense-of-presence.  A conversation that often takes time. Years, as in the case of the childless, Hanna.  Decades, as in the case of the childless, Sarai and Abram; and for the devout Simeon, who longed to see the Messiah, before his death.  Even generations, as was the case, with the enslaved Israelites, in Egypt. Prayer, seems to be a conversation, that is at the foundation, of faith, in God. His desire for us, awakening our need for him as, provider, healer, deliverer, friend, and lover. A conversation, that over time, becomes for us, wordless, a rumination of the heart, going on, in the background, of everyday life. God’s answer, when it comes, more a response to our wondering soul, or the cry of our heart, than a request, from our lips.

God’s timing, in answering us, can, I believe, only be understood, in retrospect, if at all.  We may not be clued into, why God is: “taking so long,” but we can understand, sometimes, why he: “took so long.” 

I have a friend, whose husband, was unemployed for several years; who eventually not only found a job, but one that is ideally suited to him, one in which, he feels fulfilled.  It would seem, that the time it took, for God, to answer my friend’s prayers, was spent, in God, preparing a place, for her husband, to work; allowing my friends, at the same time, to learn a deep dependence, on their Heavenly Father, strengthening their relationship, with him.

An example from my own life, on the power of sustained prayer, would be, in God’s answer to me, concerning my desire, for a wife.  God, after close to thirty years of prayer, on the matter, has answered: “No.”  In retrospect, I believe he tried to tell me this 10 years ago, again 5 years ago, and again 2 years ago, but I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, hear the denial, of what I wanted, so deeply.  It is only through a series of events, in this last year, that I finally heard, and accepted the answer.  Though, in saying no, God did offer me something else, special intimacy, with himself.  God has, offered himself, as my mate, if I would have him, and I have said, yes.  After decades, God did answer me, it wasn’t the answer, I wanted.  I wish I could say, that I’m ecstatically happy; that Jesus is now, all I’ll ever want, or need, in a mate, but I can’t, not yet.  I still want, what God has denied me.  What I am excited about, is how he will reveal himself to me, over time.  I am, giving myself over, to a sense of wonder; to a sense of awe, and expectation, for our relationship.  I see, that God spent the last 20 years, and more, fashioning within me, a special place, for himself.

God doesn’t always answer quickly, or as we would like, it is true.  He will answer, though; and when he does, it will be with a measure, of grace.

About Friendship

As I titled this post I’m reminded that I must consciously depress the “R” key when typing or it won’t “egister” [read: register]. Hence, the title almost became “About Fiendship.” Our intimates and ourselves, seeming more fiend than friend, at times. Oddly appropriate, for what I’m about to say.

I am fortunate in that I have unnumbered acquaintances, many friends, a large number of stalwarts, and a precious core of persons, with whom I resonate in such harmonious frequency, that I truly feel buoyed by their presence in my life. They in turn uplifted by me. I have been told by quite a few people over the years that I really seem to know what friendship is all about. I’m glad they think so. I see how much more I need to learn.

After a recent “fall from grace,” which has seen me removed from ministry in my church, I became estranged from several of those closest to me. Others, drew closer, still more were unfazed. Myriad emotions have coursed through me as my world has unraveled. Anger, shame, loss, abandonment, love, etc… I am amazed at the open armed grace of some, and shocked at the cold justice of others; such a range of response! Some who’ve entered into my struggle describe me as brave, others question the genuineness of my faith. Most seeing my need to heal have been a quiet, yet strong support in a difficult time. ALL of them love me. As I’ve moved through an awareness of being betrayer and betrayed, I’m learning a new dimension of friendship…how to ask for forgiveness from those I’ve wounded. How to ask for help from those who have wounded me, so that we might rebuild the brokenness between us, together. I’m finding that the road to reconciliation is not paved with flowers, it will be long and is painful…for all concerned; and as I approach each broken bridge, I stop and begin laying new planks over the span, catching a glimpse as I do, of the same being done from the other side.

DLG